April 12, 2015

Chasing Dreams Isn't a Dream, It's Hard Work!

There are always highs and lows, mountains and valleys in life. That's just the way it is. If it wasn't we'd never know what good times were if we hadn't known the hard ones.

I must be in a valley. I think I've been there a while. Maybe that's what trying to do everything and pretending to be Super Woman for so long finally does to a person. I can admit it. I try to do everything... and I PRETEND that I'm doing GREAT at it. The truth is I'm tired. I'm worn out. Someone asked me what I would do if I had an entire day to myself. I'd probably sit on the couch staring off into oblivion. But really, we've been doing this for so long, chasing this dream for so long, I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't do this! Do we ever REACH the dream? Or is that the fun of it? I really don't know, because we do have a  small ranch now with over 100 cows. The dream keeps changing, and getting bigger- which I think is what's suppose to happen because if you don't have a dream then what is there to live for? That's just me though.

The last time I remember feeling like this but worse was when I was serving a mission for my church in Argentina. You take a small town farm girl that lived in the same place her whole life, went to church with the same people, went to school with the same kids and never left home, and send her, (willingly) off to a foreign country speaking some language she never learned in school, with people she'd never met. But I had THE BEST trainer companion in the whole world. She got me through the adjustment and I felt awesome! Then transfers came. We would be staying in the same area, getting two new sister missionaries, but splitting up. My trainer would train again and I would show the other missionary the ropes of our area. It started off fine... except that I was a little jealous I didn't get to be with my trainer any more. No other sister missionary could compare to her in my eyes! And my new companion didn't have quite the same work ethics as I did. Anyhow, as time went on the new missionary my trainer was training really started to struggle and spoke a lot of going home. She almost did. 
Then transfers came again and I was sent to a new area. Talk about shaking up my world! New companion, new area, new (terrible) apartment, new people. I'm not good with change. Soon I started talking about going home. I talked to my mission president a few times. He reminded me that there was a time even during the prophet Gordon B. Hinckley's mission that he too wanted to go home. That made me feel a little better. My mission president kept encouraging me and I stayed. I went through a slump though for sure.

Then one day we were doing a service project for a less fortunate family. Some Elders were there too. It was hot and we were all working hard cleaning and clipping a very over grown yard area. One missionary was sitting in a tree playing his harmonica. This irked me to no end. We were here to work and he was doing nothing, and I was quite annoyed. It's easier to be rude in another language and so I said, "Why aren't you working? Are you lazy?" Ha ha! I laugh about that now! He kept playing and calmly said, "No... Tengo hernia." Yes it's the same in English. "No, I have a hernia." Thank goodness he was light hearted and started laughing so we both laughed. It was the first time I laughed in a long time. Something started to change then. He helped me start to enjoy my life as it was right then. I started enjoying my mission instead of just always working so hard. We still worked hard, but I also surprised a bunch of little boys when I hit a baseball over the apartment complex and even ran my home run in a dress. And did you know you CAN jump double dutch in a dress? 

What good is hard work without the fun? It's just like the mountains and valleys in life. If you don't know the work, how can you enjoy the fun? But you have to go put yourself out there and HAVE fun. You may have to work at it, but fun can be fun too!

So now here I am, feeling like I'm in a slump. I know it must be because we are in one of the busiest most stressful times of the year- calving. There's just a lot on me and honestly I don't think anyone can know what I'm going through. The Ranch Hand tries... but he can't know. It's not like he doesn't have his own stress of supporting this expensive dream. 

I had to vent... and I'm sorry. Tomorrow I will put on my Super Cape and pretend to be Super Woman once again. But the truth is I'm just a normal, regular old person, working to reach a dream. Certainly slumps don't last forever, we can't let them. 

Time to pull myself out of the slump and start moving mountains... "And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS! You're off to great places, today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way!"

Stay busy my friends, it wards off depression.

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