September 9, 2015

The Love of a Mother

I am a baseball cap wearing mom. I just am. It is my cop out for bad hair days... every day! I work outside, get sweaty, in the wind, with the animals, so I wear a hat a lot. This morning when I left to take the kids to school I took my sunglasses from my "Browning" cap and decided I'd give my head a break. We had the usual conversation on the way to school. I dropped off the 7th grader, then when I dropped off the 5th grader I wished him a fun day on his field trip. He looked out at his peers standing in line to get into the school and realized he'd forgotten his baseball cap. They were allowed to wear one today because of the field trip. They would be outside observing nature and wildlife. It was going to be a sunny warm fall day. He looked at me and asked for mine, (he must be accustomed to seeing one on my head most of the time!) When he realized there was no hat on my head or his little brother's, or anywhere to be found in the car, he held back the tears and with a strong yet quiver in his voice he said goodbye.

My heart broke right there. Yes, it broke over a baseball cap. I dropped the 1st grader off and drove away from the school thinking I needed to be strong and let natural consequences run their course. I drove down the rode feeling terribly sad and hurt. Then I slammed on the brakes and turned around. Crocs and no make up I went into a local tire business where most of their employees know me by name. I asked the manager if they happened to have any extra baseball caps around and told him my predicament. He pulled from a cupboard a brand new, rather sharp actually, "Mr. Tire" cap. I told him he could put it on my bill. He said, "Oh it will be on your bill, you just won't actually see it there." We do plenty of business there so I didn't feel bad.

I zoomed back to the school, parked the car and rushed inside, searching for my son. When I found him he gave me a huge hug in front of his friends and teachers. He said he loved me and I said, "You are ok now. Right?" And he was.

As I drove towards home accidentally tuning out the 4 year old with deep thoughts, I was wondering if I'd done the right thing. I'm taking a parenting course online and trying to figure this parenting thing out. My mind recalled a picture I wish I'd never seen. That of a three year old Syrian boy that drown and was washed ashore. What if something happens to my son today? Some freak thing that normally never would happen. The last thing I would remember would be his sad face looking at me expecting to see a baseball cap on my head that I would give him. Then his voice quivering and my heart breaking. I just couldn't do it. In my heart I believe I did the right, good thing. At least now I would remember the wonderful hug and sweet words in front of friends and teachers. Him hugging his croc wearing, no make up, should've been wearing a hat, mom. I would hope that's what he would remember too. We must love the children entrusted to us, because this world certainly will not.


2 comments:

  1. I saw this on your PPS post. Just wanted to say, I'm also the mom of a fifth grade boy. Such a tough time for boys that age and any opportunity to connect with a loving gesture is an opportunity not to be missed. I think what you did was absolutely the best and I would not worry one second about whether or not it was right or wrong. It was perfect. Glad to have discovered your blog! : )

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Erin! I've mostly just read the PPS page and never really commented. It feels so good to have access to other parents feeling the same way I do. Thanks for reading my blog too!

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